As we forgive those who sin against… us?
I’m going to start my story today in the middle. Starting from the beginning is not for today, and the end is still being written.
There has never been a point in my life when I have not followed God. I grew up in a small country church in Indiana, surrounded by family and people who felt like family. After years of teaching Sunday School, and volunteering summers at church camp, I entered graduate school. Three years later, I earned my MDiv (Fancy way to say that I became a pastor). For over 30 years, my life and purpose centered around loving God and loving my neighbor, often in a professional capacity.
Until it didn’t. But, that’s the first part of the story.
Where it has left me, though, has been hard. I have been struggling with what it means to be a follower of God, and not just a member of a church. I am struggling with a country that seems to no longer care about taking care of each other. And, at what feels like the worst possible time, I am struggling with praying.
I have committed my morning commute to silence and praying as best I can. Sometimes God and I have a silent conversation about the cows in the fields. Other times we are deep in conversation, and I’m sorry to pull into the parking lot. What used to come so easily is now easily pushed aside.
Seeking some consistency, I was glad last week when I thought to pray the Lord’s Prayer. I’m finding some normalcy in the familiar words. It feels right to pray words countless others have prayed in all circumstances.
I hit a roadblock, though, when it came to “us” and “our.” I know, I know, so much of our theology is all about being part of something bigger than our individual selves. When we pray, we are doing so as part of a much larger community. But, in that car… it’s just me.
So, when it felt weird to pray “Forgive us our sins,” I replaced with “Forgive me my sins.” Which seemed alright, until I finished out the line - “as I forgive those who sin against me.”
Somewhere on a Kentucky country road, I realized it isn’t sins against me that I have a hard time forgiving. Rather, I hold onto deep grief on behalf of the stranger, the immigrant, the LGBTQA+ community, the underserved… those who are being pushed down and pushed aside.
When I took myself out of the community of the Lord’s Prayer, I was praying in a way that goes against the fact that we do not live in isolation. “You do you” is a false understanding of individualism. Our actions do impact others. We are all connected. When I pray “us”, I am praying as a member of the human community that is much larger than myself.
When I am in my car, then, and I pray “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us,” I am first recognizing that I too often fail to speak up or stand up on behalf of others, like I believe Jesus calls us all to do. Forgive us our sins asks us to acknowledge our own brokenness before concerning ourselves with others. When I do this, I can then bring to God my grief over a world which continues to inflict hurt, pain, discrimination, and indifference upon our neighbors.
We are all in this life thing together. None of can bring about the big changes needed. But, we can each bring our grief before God and seek ways to show love, grace, and mercy to ourselves and others. For all of our sakes.
Yours in peace and prayer,
Denise
