Happy? Thanksgiving

I’m sitting in my mother-in-law’s kitchen this morning. My children are here, and later we will gather around the table for a meal with the rest of our extended family. In many ways, we are fulfilling the expectations of us on this Thanksgiving Day.

But, I know this isn’t the scenario for everyone.
I think of a friend whose family is still reeling from the unexpected death of her brother.
The friend who is still grieving her father, mother, and baby girl who all died within the same year.
I think of those in my grief support group who are all experiencing their first holidays without their spouses.
My friends who are grieving their mothers, who both passed away this past year.
My friends whose son is four states away at college and unable to come home for the holiday.
My friends who haven’t found community where they live, and the holiday is simply another day alone.

“Happy” is a hard word to say for these friends of mine and all who are grieving today. Turning on the television, pulling up social media, and going shopping means being constantly confronted with pictures of smiling families, tables and houses filled with gifts and people, and the expectations of joy and holiday cheer. The truth is, that instead of making those of us who grieve feel lighter and full of joy, all of this makes it easier to stay home and mourn who, and what, we have lost.

During this holiday season, be kind to yourself:
If you cannot do what others expect of you, it’s ok to have the necessary conversations, even if they are difficult to have.
If going into stores is too much for you to bear, it’s ok to have someone else do the shopping for you or to order online.
If social media is full of difficult reminders of who, or what, you have lost, it’s ok to step away and disengage.

It’s ok to rest.
It’s ok to do something for yourself. You are not being selfish.
It’s ok to not put up decorations and play the music. You’re not being a Grinch.
It’s ok to set aside traditions for this year and revisit them next year. You’re doing what you can.
It’s ok to be sad when others are laughing. You are being honest with yourself.
It’s ok to do what you need to do to make it through these months. You only have so much energy and bandwidth.

To help you through this season, I’m making available again, for free, the When Grief Invades the Holidays, a 3-part study. It won’t bring back who or what has been lost. But, my prayer is that you will find peace in the prayers and words offered within the pages.

May God’s arms surround you and hold you in these days.
Peace,
Denise