Grieving with the world
On January 28, 1986, I experienced my first grief over a national event. That cold Florida morning, despite numerous warnings from many within the program, the space shuttle Challenger lifted off from Launch Complex 39B. They say you remember where you are and what you are doing when a big event happens, and it’s true. I was in ninth grade, in the lunch line when a friend told me. Like so many others, I was in shock, and I refused to believe what simply couldn’t be true. Space shuttles don’t explode. My heroes were on board! They couldn’t be dead. But, they were. A year after grieving the death of my own mom, I found myself grieving the deaths of other children’s moms and dads.
My love for the shuttle program spilled over to my children and my sister. Discovery became our shuttle, and we all got to see her launch in 2010. I was always a ball of nerves when a shuttle launched until after they successfully went full throttle up.
Over the years, there have been so many national and worldwide events that have rocked my sense of security and made me weep - Operation Desert Storm, the AIDS epidemic, 9/11, the space shuttle Columbia explosion, global warming, the Covid epidemic, Ukraine, Israel and Palestine, droughts, floods, hurricanes, fires… the list goes on and on. As I write each of these, remembered feelings of helplessness, sorrow, and grief are making their appearance again within me.
It can be difficult when events in the world, both near and far, bring up the familiar feelings and emotions of grief. Sometimes the events remind us of our own losses, and we grieve who or what we have lost all over again. We find it easy, perhaps too easy, to empathize with those who are suffering. We know too well what it’s like to have our worlds turned up upside-down and inside out. How it feels to lose our sense of control over what is happening. What it’s like to wake up each morning and be so exhausted that we don’t know how we will make it through the day. We know the pain of watching those we love and care for be hurt while we are powerless to change anything. We know what it’s like to walk around with a pit in our stomach that won’t go away. We know the fear.
This is not a commentary on the events of our nation and world happening right now. Although as I open the news this morning, I read of the tragic crash between the airliner and the military helicopter. If you are feeling overwhelmed by all that is going on in the world, I want to offer some reminders of how to practice self-care. I say remind because this likely won’t be the first time you’ve read what I’m going to write. Sometimes, though, we need a gentle reminder.
Before I do that, I want to be completely honest. There are times we speak the words aloud that we need to hear ourselves. You know the saying - there is one finger pointing to the other person, and there four fingers pointing back at you? Yeah, I think of that a lot when I speak as a follower of Christ.
Today, I offer these words to you the reader and for myself.
Turn it off. Just because social media and news outlets are on 24/7 doesn’t mean that we have to expose ourselves to it 24/7. Set a limit for yourself before you get on. Will you check only certain people? Will you be on there for 10 minutes and then shut it off? Can you disengage with people and sites that are not healthy for you to interact with?
Pay attention to your body. If you can feel yourself tensing up, feeling overwhelmed, or struggling to separate yourself out of the story, then honor your body and take a break. Our bodies sometimes know how to take better care of us than we do.
Practice self-care. While we may not be experiencing the loss or death directly, it can still make us feel grief just as if it is happening to us. This is called empathy, and sometimes empathy can be really hard to carry. When you feel overwhelmed by what you are seeing and reading, stop. Put on music, go for a walk, create something, watch cat videos, pet a cat, practice deep breathing…
Do some good. If you feel like you need to do something to help, then find a way to help others. Donate blood, volunteer, talk with others and find ways to make a difference, make space for others to share their grief and concerns, plant flowers in honor and memory of those impacted by what has happened. Find a way to put good into the world where you are.
Look for the good around you. I sound a little like Mr. Rogers here. But he’s right. Look around and be reminded that for all of the pain and brokenness we see, there is so much good still out there. Step and look around. Search for it. Let it come to you. Help others see it. Let the good speak hope where we so need to hear it.
Pray. Prayer is never the last thing we should do. But sometimes we have to shut everything off and step away before we are able to pray and hear God’s voice and direction. Pray for those who are being impacted by what is happening. Pray for the responders and helpers. Pray for God to use you in whatever ways God knows you can. Pray for wisdom and open doors. Breathe in the presence of God. Breathe out, reminding yourself that God is present and holding all of us.
In 2020, I found this image of light posts shining in the dark and snow. It had been an overwhelming year, full of loss and grief. Darkness was all around, and the vaccines were on the horizon. This image reminded me that darkness is not all there is. I found myself clinging to John 1: 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.
Whatever happens in the world, and whatever happens around you next, my prayer is that you will remember that we do not travel alone. If you would like someone to talk with, please contact me. We may not solve the problems, but we can find courage and strength in continuing on.
Peace,
Denise
