Home place, shoes, and Elvis
I love Christmas music. This morning I put on one of my favorite CDs, A South Dakota Acoustic Christmas from 2001. It has great songs to dance around the house to, or to tap out the beat while sitting at your desk. There is snow on the grass, birds outside my window at the feeder, and a cup of hot coffee beside me. I was enjoying my alone time.
Then song #15 came on - One More Christmas. And I had a choice of either sitting on the floor in tears, or skipping the song.
I chose to skip the song.
But, because I am writing about it here, I went back and listened to it.
‘Cause I need one more Christmas at the old home place
Hide the For Sale sign with a snowman’s face
Let’s have a holiday we can’t forget
Make this last noel the best one yet.
One more shining star atop the tree
One last chance for the family
To relive memories time can’t erase
One more Christmas at the old home place.
There was such a swirl of grief and longing as I thought of places, people, and even music that are no longer a part of our family’s continuing story. It reminded me that my own parents are getting older, and the story of the song may soon be their story. Sadness tugged at me as the faces and memories of people gone too soon, and for too long, fill my thoughts.
I don’t know how it is for you, but music is a perfect escape for me. Depending on how the day is going, the direction the wind is coming from, and how much coffee I have, Spotify is cued up for jazz fusion, ‘80s hair bands, or classical music. When music is on, there is a release of emotions, tension, and even mild inhibitions (see previous comment about singing and drumming).
Until a song comes on and the memories and the grief, which are never too far away, return.
So what do we do when what has given us joy in the past can’t now?
What do we do when the holiday songs are too joyful, and too painful?
Sometimes, my solution has been to listen to the songs on repeat. The thought is that I will become immune to their emotional power over me. (Kind of like Superman - “That kryptonite won’t destroy me today!”)
This has had limited success.
Another one of my defenses is to simply avoid the songs. However, stores don’t ask for customers’ preferences about what Christmas music they should play. So, when The Christmas Shoes by Newsong comes on, I look for the nearest exit before the inevitable tears begin.
This also has limited success,
My last line of defense, which is actually my first, now that I think about it, is to … not think about it. Don’t pay attention to the music. Let it simply become noise in the background and nothing more. This perhaps has the most success for me, until I get caught with my defenses down. Like last week when Elvis’ I’ll be Home for Christmas played on my record player and I couldn’t stop the tears.
Great advice from someone who’s supposed to have “it” all together, right?
I guess what I’m trying to say is, the holiday season is hard for those of us who grieve. Whatever we are grieving. And those things which may have brought us joy and comfort before our loss, can make these days harder.
The really hard thing is, there is no secret of how to make it through these days.
The best advice I can give is to be kind to yourself. Be as gentle with yourself as you would be with someone else who is hurting.
If you can’t listen to the music, don’t.
If you don’t have the energy or capability to be around a lot of people, be honest with others and tell them you simply can’t today.
If you are somewhere and you begin to feel overwhelmed, find a quiet spot away from everyone, for as long as you need. And know that it’s ok if you need to leave.
Don’t pressure yourself to keep up the expectations and traditions that may have been a part of past holidays.
You are not the same person you were before your loss, so the holidays will be different too.
If you would like a little help walking through these days, please send me a message here.
You may also find some peace and support by reading through the When Grief Invades the Holidays study.
Walk these days knowing that you are not alone in your grief. We will make it through these days, together.
Peace,
Denise
Although this is not the South Dakota Acoustic Christmas’ video, you can listen to the song here
Mom and Dad called to say they want to sell the house and move away
To a small apartment where it’s not so cold.
I guess they’re finally getting old.
And though I understand, the news was hard to hear,
Especially this time of year.
‘Cause I need one more Christmas at the old home place.
Hide the For Sale sign with a snowman’s face
Let’s have a holiday we can’t forget
Make this last noel the best one one yet.
One more shining star atop the tree
One last chance for the family
To relive memories time can’t erase
One more Christmas at the old home place.
In my dreams I’m a child of 10
Lost in the. magic of Christmas again
Hanging stockings by the fireplace
Lighting candles and saying grace.
All I want is to be back there with you
You can make my dreams come true.
‘Cause I need one more Christmas at the old home place.
Hide the For Sale sign with a snowman’s face
Let’s have a holiday we can’t forget
Make this last noel the best one one yet.
One more shining star atop the tree
One last chance for the family
To relive memories time can’t erase
One more Christmas at the old home place.
We’ll make new memories that time won’t erase
One more Christmas at the old home place.
