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Seeking comfort and rest with hygge
Nature takes these days to rest. As children of God who are created to be in relationship with creation, we can find renewal and rest when we too sit with the dark.
It’s the other losses that are going to break me
A reality of living with a loss is that it’s not the only thing that gets changed. Everything else around us changes too. We grieve our primary loss, such as the death of our person, job loss, divorce, changes in our health…
These can traumatic enough. But, there are other losses which come also. They are often called secondary losses, and their impact intrudes in areas we had thought were safe.
Letting the “should’ves” go
“You most likely did the best you could at the time with what you knew. Life is complicated. Troubles don’t take a number, and they don’t wait for their turn. They happen while we are busy with our jobs, our commitments, our families… life. It is difficult to focus on only one thing all the time, or to see the whole picture at once. If you are living with regrets and guilt, I invite you to offer yourself the same grace you would invite others to live into.”
Life Now
But, what happens when we can’t see the good things and joy of today because they are clouded over by the anger and pain of our grief? What do we do when we can’t let down our guard and defenses against another shoe dropping and causing more pain?
How do we quit allowing the grief to hollow out our lives?
Home place, shoes, and Elvis
I don’t know how it is for you, but music is a perfect escape for me. Depending on how the day is going, the direction the wind is coming from, and how much coffee I have, Spotify is cued up for jazz fusion, ‘80s hair bands, or classical music. When music is on, there is a release of emotions, tension, and even mild inhibitions (see previous comment about singing and drumming).
Until a song comes on and the memories and the grief, which are never too far away, return.
So what do we do when what has given us joy in the past can’t now?
What do we do when the holiday songs are too joyful, and too painful?
How are you?
So, what are we supposed to do when we’re not okay? What about when it feels like the world has fallen apart around us, and we aren’t sure how to pick up the pieces? What about when the deathiversary of our person is in a few days and we’re grieving their absence a little extra today? Or when something reminds us of what has been lost and we could really use someone to listen to our story again?
What about those days when you’re just sad?
What are you supposed to say then?
Seeking order in the chaos
To be honest, what usually pushes me outside is the maddening admission that I can’t undo any of our losses. I can’t make any of the consequences we are living with right themselves. I can’t make others understand the grief we still feel. I can’t fix any of it.